1. "Sweetie, I have to start packing for my flight to Milwaukee next week, so I'm going to have to pass on that quiet time tonight."
[Travel rookies start packing for each trip more than a day (or a few hours … or minutes) ahead.]
2. "Ma'am, I'll be checking two bags. After all, I'll be gone for almost a week!"
[Travel rookies overpack and have to check bags on short trips.]
3. "Which group did they just call? Which one? Are you sure?"
[Travel rookies crowd around and block the boarding area when the first boarding announcement is made.]
4. "Oh, I'm sorry, where did I put those darn things?"
[Travel rookies look surprised when, after finally reaching the agent at the boarding gate, they are asked for their boarding passes.]
5. "Hmmm, I think my bags will do better if I put them lengthwise in this bin. Or maybe the other way. Or maybe I should put my jacket between them as a cushion. Or, hmmm …"
[Travel rookies throw all their carry-on luggage in the overhead compartment, taking their sweet time to do so, oblivious of the growing line of happy passengers behind them.]
6. "Wow! Honey, take one over there. I didn't know there were lakes in Dallas!"
[Travel rookies take flash pictures out the airplane window during takeoff and landing.]
7. "This is our first flight in a while. We're on our way to visit my wife's relatives in Los Angeles. Her brother is a famous producer or something."
[Travel rookies talk loudly enough for all to hear about how excited they are to be flying.]
8. "Ma'am, what time are we scheduled to arrive now?"
[Travel rookies repeatedly ask the flight attendant how much longer the flight is going to take.]
9. "Wow! You travel a lot. How do you handle the jet lag when you go from Dallas to Denver? Is it really as bad as they say it is?"
[Travel rookies look at you knowingly and ask for "professional" advice.]
10. "Oh my goodness, is it really only 3:30 in the morning back in the States? I'm wiped out!"
[Travel rookies ask you with a disturbed look what time it is back home, instead of adopting their new local time zone … even after days.] - Robert Kalka, Georgetown, Texas
10. They take notes during the preflight safety briefing.
9. Their luggage is filled with flashlights because they were advised to pack light.
8. Use a walkie-talkie-style cell phone to make a confidential call.
7. Consider the two-carry-on limit to be just a guideline or a suggestion.
6. Wear lace-up knee-high boots to the security checkpoint.
5. Are puzzled by clear-air turbulence announcements.
4. Rush to board at the first announcement - until they realize what "Group 9" means.
3. Think that a "Sherri Gulczynski Burns first-person-pronoun count" is the latest diet craze.
2. Dream of the day that they can say that they have traveled to every airport listed in the back of the American Way magazine.
1. Read this entire Top 10 list looking for the punch line. - Lonnie Haynes, Raleigh, North Carolina