How ya doin'?
My name is Tony Soprano. They asked me here on this Commencement
Day to talk to you, the Class of 2006, about the meaning of
I don't know why me. Maybe because my life is a freakin' mess,
My wife, she's always, "Oh, Tony, you cheated on me. Oh, Tony, you
don't need to whack people. Oh, Tony, I'm gonna leave you. Blah,
My daughter? Keeps me up nights with the guys she dates. One of 'em
was cheating on her. He met with an unfortunate accident. Somebody
shot him a few times. My daughter blames me. "What?" I said.
My son? Fuhgettaboutit. Crashes the car. Gets expelled from school
for cheating on a chemistry test. He makes me overeat with worry.
Ya know what I just noticed? This cheating thing seems to happen a
lot in my family. Lightbulb moment, knowhatImean?
Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah. Life.
Life is like a box of cannoli. You know what you're gonna get, and
you think you like it, so you eat too much of it, and then you end
up half the night with heartburn.
My business, for instance. It looked good when I got into it.
Excitement. Money. Ladies. The whole bit. But then it gets to be
the same thing. This guy needs a favor, that guy needs to be taken
for a ride and walked into the woods, and, well, never mind that.
What I'm sayin' is that things get complicated. I, for example, am
having some trouble from competitors, which I won't go into here.
Suffice to say, heads are gonna roll.
So, what I'm sayin' is, I've seen some life.
I'm like the president. When I'm out, I'm out. I don't have another
position in the company to go to. And my term in office, so to
speak, is just about up.
I don't know what I'll do next. Maybe write a book: Tony
Soprano on the Meaning of Life.
Ya want my advice - and you do, or they wouldn't pay me to be here
- there are three things in life that matter.
The first thing? Appreciate a good meal.