Reseachers have discovered that beer is healthy. what's next? Bacon cheeseburgers?
So now they say that beer is good for you. Pardon me a second while I consider that. (YEEEEE-HA! Whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop. Ding dang doodle. All night long. ALLLL night long! Wowie zowie. Who'da thunk? If beer is good for you, the healthiest place on the planet must be any football stadium on a Sunday afternoon. Crack me open another one, mama. Yowza. Uuu-eee, boy. Ramma-ramma-ding-dong.)

All right. I'm back.

Sometimes you just gotta love science.

Just when you thought your tax dollars were going to frivolous things like cures for diseases and remedies for pollution, along comes a report that immeasurably helps mankind. Womankind, too, for that matter, although they'd likely be better served by a study proving the health benefits of Cosmopolitans.

"After more than 20 years of research and scores of studies on the effects of moderate alcohol consumption on health," says a story in The Wall Street Journal, "beer is slowly bubbling to the top as a beverage that not only lifts spirits but delivers protection against major ailments such as heart attack, stroke, hypertension, diabetes, and dementia."