We went over to the Hooters gift section, where I definitely did not closely examine the Hooters T-shirt the waitress was wearing to determine if maybe Jessica would look good in it. No, I just stared at the coffee mugs. “Well,” I said, “they have some here.”

“A Hooters mug?” Sam asked. “Do you think Mom will like it?”

“Like it?” I said. “She’ll love it.”

He looked at me askance.

“Look, Mom likes wings, right? She likes potato skins, right? She’d love Hooters. And she’d love her own coffee cup. It’s a nice one, don’t ya think?”

I looked it over as if it were a diamond.

“It is,” I said, “perfect.”