It's five minutes after the last time I called you. We also went to Caffé Latte, a little mom-and-pop Italian place. It's family style and they come out with endless platters of food. Mamma cooks for everybody. It's above a tattoo parlor. You can go get a picture of a butterfly eating an apple with a snake coming out of it on your arm and then run upstairs for a little pasta. It's everything and a cupcake. You have to pace yourself through this meal. Even I do. You can tap out at any time, but they just keep bringing plates: mozzarella and tomato, clams, and different appetizers. When the main meal comes, it's just endless pasta. It's one of those times when your stomach says, "You're so full!" but your mouth says, "It's so good, and I'm not going to get this again for a while, so I've got to do it." Believe me, I'm from New York, where we have great Italian, so I was really concerned the first time I was taken there. When they say they have "good Italian" in Hawaii, you think it's going to be ketchup and noodles. But I could eat at Caffé Latte every night.
Saturday, 4 a.m.
If you want to get surf lessons, you've got to go to the Hans Hedemann Surf School. Hans is the best in Hawaii. His main students are Adam Sandler and Cameron Diaz. Sandler's a big surfer. I mean, he's opened his head up a couple times doing it. He's just a maniac with it. Based on my body type, I'm not a surfer. But I do wax my back. All right, see ya …
No, wait, Kevin, a few questions before you go.
How did a kid from New York discover a place like Honolulu?
Through the Sony Open, the golf tournament. Anything that has to do with golf, I'm in. So I said, "Sure, I'll go, as long as it's business," which was a joke. You get to play with the pros there. You just have a fun time with them all.
Where are you staying?
The Kahala Mandarin Oriental. It's a great place, very comfortable rooms, right on the water. It's beautiful. They have some cool restaurants in the hotel and some great places to smoke a cigar outside, which is neat. They also have the best massages. It's great because they have these private little rooms that you go to and you feel like you're on your own private island. You're isolated from everything, and they give you a great massage, and then you just kind of sit there and drink water, soak in the sun. It's just wild.
What do you like to do most when you're in Honolulu?
I mostly hang out on the golf courses. You can hang out on the beach, too, but when you're my size, the beach doesn't necessarily agree with you. When you go out and get wet and go back on the sand, you're literally a breaded cutlet within 20 minutes. So I usually go out with a poncho. No, I'm not a suntan guy. I have a golf tan, which means my left hand is completely white because of my golf glove and my arms get dark. I love Hawaii, and I'm not even a beach guy. That's how crazy it is.