Despite the canine-like behavior of big corporations, however, I decided against approaching them. A big corporation is probably not going to be interested in tagging my house with its identity because, other than a possible appearance on “Cops,” my house isn’t likely to be televised to millions of viewers nationwide anytime soon.

I should tell you, though, that I have considered going local, which I figure is probably the wave of the future. It won’t be long before we’ll see a Sal’s Pizza and Hoagie South Side High School Playoffs. Or a Billy Joe’s BBQ Bubbaville Middle School Championship. Or Crystal’s Sushi and Aromatherapy Pacific Heights Volley- ball Tournament. But I’d rather just offer this rare, once-in-a-lifetime (or maybe twice, depending on the length of our agreement) opportunity to you, my loyal readers. [Editor’s note: Ditto ed. note above.] Besides, the truth is, to approach local businesses means I would have to make detailed financial proposals and go around and eat at their places and all that, which sounded too much like work. Naming something shouldn’t be a chore, unless it’s a baby. In that case, it should be a grueling torture. “Nicholi? Nicholi!? Are you crazy?” “What? And Rupert Poindexter is better?”


what’s in a name? i don’t know. make an offer. we’ll talk.