Pssssst. Wanna get in on the ground floor of a can't-miss million-dollar business opportunity? Today's your lucky day. Why? Because I've decided to sell the naming rights to my house.
You heard right. For a small fee, you have the chance to put your moniker on my abode, assuming that such conduct is legal in both our states. It's the type of deal that comes along once in a lifetime (or maybe twice, depending on the length of our agreement).
Right now you're asking yourself, "How could I be so lucky as to be offered such an incredible opportunity?" Simple. I wanted to give the first shot to you, my loyal reader. [Editor's note: For legal pur-poses, the term "loyal reader" is defined hereinafter as a person who may or may not have read Mr. Shahin's column more than this one time and who may or may not have heretofore sent him hate mail.]
Now, I know what you're saying: "How can I get in on this once-in-a-lifetime (or twice, depending on the length of our agreement) deal?" The truth is, it won't be easy. Once big corporations hear about this amazing offer - and so far I've been able to keep it out of the business pages - they'll be elbowing each other more fiercely than Karl Malone under an opponent's basket in an effort to get a piece of the action. Big corporations love to name things.