I sneak away to Cooling Tower One at the nuclear plant. Lunch doesn't get more "power" than that. [Homer laughs for 15 minutes.]
And what about a fancy dinner?
What do you think is the classiest joint in all of Springfield? Whatever place won't let me in.
Here are the spots that score points with us when we're in Springfield.
Hotel Pillowmint (very expensive)
The Who stayed here when they came to town to play a concert at Yahoo Search Engine Arena.
Bob's Big Poi (Hawaiian, moderate)
Have It Uruguay (South American, inexpensive)
La Snotteria (Franco/Californian/Italian, expensive)
Professor P.J. Cornucopia's Fantastic Foodmagorium and Great American Steakery (everything, inexpensive)
The Android's Dungeon & Baseball Card Shop
Best. Store. Ever. Pick up an issue of Radioactive Man, no. 72.
A store owned by Ned Flanders, it stocks products exclusively for left-handers.
Noiseland Video Arcade
This joint at the Springfield Mall caters to the inactive sports fan.
The Springfield Knowledgeum
Its slogan is "Where science is explained with brightly colored balls."
Disco isn't dead after all, thanks to owner Disco Stu, who once famously said, "Disco Stu likes disco music."
Springfield has a country club with a golf course. Do you ever hit the links there?
No, I really don't like sports that don't make you work up a sweat. That's why I prefer drunken bowling.
What about shopping?
We know there are stores along the riverfront. What are some of the good ones? Springfield has some of the best shopping in the world. You can buy beer almost anywhere in town, including at many banks and churches. For fashion, Marge and I like to go "Goodwill hunting." I don't know why we call it that; we both hated the movie.
What would you tell someone visiting Springfield for the first time to do while they are here?
I would advise not coming after dark. In fact, you probably shouldn't come at all. But if you must, my top three attraction picks are the South Street Squidport, Isotope Stadium, and the new interactive exhibit, Throw a Brick through Flanders's Front Window while He's at Work.
Homer, we're sure you know that Springfield was founded by and named for frontiersman Jebediah Obadiah Zachariah Jedediah Springfield, who famously said, "A noble spirit embiggens the smallest man." Can you tell us something else about the town's history?
History? Who do I look like to you, Doris Kearns Goodwin? No, seriously - sometimes I look in the mirror and I see her staring back at me.
Springfield is divided into many neighborhoods. There's Chinatown, Bum Town, Junkyville, Crackton, Greek Town, Pressboard Estates, Tibet Town, and the South Street Squidport. Do you have a favorite?
My favorite is your home neighborhood: Stupid-Question Town.
Do you have a favorite family-getaway destination that's close to Springfield?
An amusement park or a campground, perhaps? Oh, I know a great place. It's called "hammock in the backyard with a six-pack of beer while the kids are inside playing Nintendo." For saying that, I'd like a free Nintendo.
We've heard that you've had some troubles with various all-you-can-eat buffets. Are those issues now resolved?
Well, let's just say that the case of Homer Simpson v. the Frying Dutchman Seafood Restaurant is working its way up the appellate courts, and it will probably reach the Supreme Court. At that point, I think I'll have a good shot, because I once saw Clarence Thomas at a Hometown Buffet, and he was loading his robes with garlic knots.
We've noticed that there are plenty of sports that Springfielders can enjoy. They can catch a game at Isotope Stadium, or they can get together at the Bowl-a-Rama or Sir Putts-a-Lot Merrie Olde Fun Center. Do you do much athletically, Homer?
Oh yes. I work out on the StairMaster five times a week - not! Look at me, I'm a fat load! Enjoy your flight. I'm going to Moe's!
Homer, you're already at Moe's. Enjoy your beer.
Five. Best. Springfield. Moments. Ever.A lot of things can happen in a town that borders Maine, Ohio, Nevada, and Kentucky.
Here are five of the more memorable events, some of which haven't even happened yet. Weird.
April 29, 1990 In a story ahead of its time, town TV clown Krusty gets arrested for robbing a convenience store. Although he was actually framed by his TV sidekick, Sideshow Bob, Krusty is convicted in the media and in popular opinion even before his trial. As homer put it, "the clown is g-i-l-l-t-y."
January 14, 1993 A huckster sells Springfield on a flawed monorail project. During its maiden journey, the monorail becomes a runaway, stopping only when conductor Homer Simpson hooks it to a giant faux donut. Homer's conclusion: "Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?"
May 21, 1995 After an oil reserve is discovered beneath Springfield Elementary, town billionaire Montgomery Burns builds a slanted drilling rig in order to drain the reserve without touching the school's property. Fumes from the rig pollute nearby Moe's Tavern, causing town drunkard Barney Gumble to declare, "These fumes aren't as fun as beer. Sure, I'm all dizzy and nauseous, but where's the inflated sense of self-esteem?"
May 20, 2007 The Simpsons’ 400th episode airs. Special guest star: Ludacris. Not expected to appear: Oprah.
July 27, 2007 The Simpsons movie premieres. To quote Monty Burns, “excellent.”