A couple of scientific studies caught my eye that have nothing to do with one another but do help me understand how it is that humans first decided to eat artichokes.

One study, brought to my attention by friend and weird-article reader Lou Cantolupo, is from a piece in New Scientist called "Diet of Worms Can Cure Bowel Disease."

Before moving forward, let's all just sit back and admire that headline for a moment. In journalism school, the first thing they teach about headlines is that they should grab the reader. This one grabs, all right. It pretty much jumps out from a dark alley, clutches you by the throat, throws you down, and sits on you. It is a thing of beauty.

Okay, I've composed myself and am ready to continue.

The first sentence of the article reads, "Regular doses of worms really do rid people of inflammatory bowel disease." I love the reassuring use of the word really. It is there to allay any doubts you may have about a relationship between all those worms you've been eating and how much better you've been feeling. That spring in your step isn't coincidence and it isn't your imagination. Those worms do help. Really.

"The first trials of the treatment have been a success," the article goes on to say, "and a drinkable concoction containing thousands of pig whipworm eggs could soon be launched in Europe."

Why Europe? Those Euro­peans get everything first! First, they get Stonehenge. Then they get all the cool accents. And now the pig whipworm-egg beverage.

We here in the States are always lagging behind (so to speak). But mark my words, when we do finally get it, we will make the most of it. You'll be able to buy pig whipworm-egg smoothies at your neighborhood overpriced national chain natural-foods supermarket. In Louisiana, you'll no doubt be able to purchase a big ol' frosty glass of pig whipworm-egg daiquiri at one of those daiquiri drive-throughs they have down there.