I have two theories. One is that the large pink-and-cream-colored shell the mollusk hides inside can be used for knocking, or "konking," a rival fisherman working the same waters on the head. Two, it is a British pronunciation, as the Brits colonized several of the islands and left a legacy of their funny accent, which, as any student of history can tell you, is why the Americans rebelled in the first place - so they would be free from the tyranny of speaking in a manner that comedy troupes the world over would make fun of.

Whatever the case, conch is konk.

Once you've got down the proper pronunciation of conch, I'll tell you another thing you should know about the Caribbean. And that is this: Watch out for celebrities because there are so many of them in the Caribbean, you might get distracted and miss one. I know. It happened to me.

I was standing right next to one of Hollywood's most famous and beautiful stars while in a three-person line at a tiny grocery store on Grand Cayman and never even noticed her.

I regret to say that I cannot reveal her name because it may not really have been her, although everyone said it was her and, I must say, this woman looked exactly, precisely, unmistakably like her, well, from the back anyway, as that is all I saw of her, which I'll be getting to in a minute.

There's another and even better reason I can't tell you her name: She might sue me. You see, the story involves a guy she was with. Maybe the guy was a boyfriend. Maybe he was a husband. Maybe he was, as they say in Hollywood, "Just A Friend." I don't know. Whoever he was, as sometimes sadly happens to celebrities, the guy was a regular person. Normally, such an occurrence wouldn't be more than simply embarrassing or even endearing. But in this case, the guy also happened to be a jerk. Which is why I can't tell you her name. I don't want to open myself to possible litigation on the grounds of defaming a starlet's companion.