The Great Pretexter


YEAH. HI. This is, um, Bill Gates? Yeah. Listen, I was calling to see how much money I have in my checking account.

What's that? The correct spelling of my name? Sure. That's B as in billionaire, I-L-L - as in lotsa money. Last name Gates. G - as in generous - A-T-E-S.

The other name on the account? My wife, of course. Melissa.

[Pause.]

Melinda! Melinda. Of course. Melinda. I was just joking.

Ha-ha.

My mother's maiden name?

Well, I just knew her as Mom. Another joke. Ha-ha.

Really, I just never had occasion to ask her. I could call her real quick and get back to you if you like.

What's that?

Pretexting?

Preposterous!

My account number?

Let's see, I have it around here somewhere. Oh jeez, the maid washed my clothes this morning and forgot to check my pockets. Wouldn't ya know, my checkbook was in my pants. It is soaking wet. Let me try to read the account number, though. Hold on. It's, uh, I think it's a … nine? Or maybe an eight? I'm not sure.

Say again? How much do I think I have in my account?

Uh, seven gazillion trillion?

Roughly.

What do you mean I'm not even close? That's about how much I had in there last month when I checked. You guys better not have screwed up somehow. Uh, let me ask you: Is the amount you show higher or lower than seven gazillion trillion?

Oh yeah? Well, I don't think I like your tone. I may just take my money out of there and put it somewhere else. What do you think of that?