Nitpickers note that the researchers concluded that a person would have to drink 17 beers to get any benefit. To which I reply, So, you say that as if it were a bad thing.

Clearly, this is a win-win. The more beer you drink, the healthier you get. What’s the downside?

Okay, I’m messin’ with ya. I know there is a downside to all that beer swilling, and it is that too much beer makes you sleepy — which means you can’t drink more beer and get yet more health benefits.

Researchers worked hard on that problem and came up with a solution: coffee. According to a study published in the Annals of Internal Medicine, caffeine may actually help reduce your chances of getting diabetes. So, not only will coffee help you stay awake to drink more beer, but it also has the additional benefit of being a health drink in its own right.

The way I figure it, if Americans start drinking a lot of beer and coffee, they will be as healthy as the English in no time. It’s all just a matter of carefully following the advice of the health sciences.